Oh no! Not again.

This week’s laundry picture comes courtesy of Alex. While this may look like an innocent little Nerf Rocket, it about made my heart stop.

I know it is only a Nerf projectile, what is the harm? Well, when I pulled out Alex’s school clothes, this fell to the bottom of the dryer. If you glance at it quickly, it sort of looks like a tube of Chapstick. However, when I glimpsed that Nerf part I was taken back to the winter of 2000.

I have told you of my reasons for doing my own laundry. What I didn’t tell you about was the beginning of Mandy and I’s marriage. I let her know that I was a laundry savant. Stains, I got em covered. Shrinkage, (clothes not a Seinfeld reference) no problem doesn’t happen. When you are first married, guys will say about anything to impress their new brides. Guys if you are shaking your head disagreeing with me, you’re in denial, get over it, you know you did. Well, she thought that this was a great idea (I think?), so she let me do laundry for the both of us. She didn’t have to lug her clothes down the hall, down a small flight of stairs and into a laundry room that came from central casting in a horror movie. The first year of our marriage we lived in an apartment building in downtown SLC that was built in 1911. No AC, steam pipes, beautiful hardwood floors and a basement storage that reminded you of the final scene in the Blair Witch Project (that I don’t over exaggerate). The hall getting to the laundry room again was creepy. Think the elevator blood scene in the Shining. I swear Kubrick filmed part of this movie in this building. Anyway, there was laundry to be done. So I packed up every pair of pants we both owned and braved the hallway, praying that I didn’t see a pair of blond haired, pony tailed, little girls (Shining reference for those you haven’t seen the movie or read the novel. I’ll stop I promise). The washing went off without a hitch, the dryer was in the heart of this little tale and reason that Nerf missile about killed me.

I traipsed back down this little expecting to see a boy on a Big Wheel (sorry last one) to get our clothes out of the dryer, when I smelled the distinct odor of wintergreen. “Smells nice,” I thought. “Someone must be burning some incense.” Walked into the laundry room, “Why would they burn incense in the laundry room?” Open the dryer and down plops any empty tube of Wintergreen Chapstick. Someone had left their Chapstick in their jeans pocket. Damn it Mandy….oh wait she keeps hers in her purse. For those who are wondering, Chapstick leaves a nice greasy stain when melted in a clothes dryer. Did I mention it was every pair of pants we owned? Did I mention we were newlyweds? I inspected every article of clothing and sure enough. Every stinking pair had stains. The walk back to our apartment was not fun. I wanted to meet Jack with an ax (ok now the last reference). Alas, she took it well and we were able to laugh about it later (say about 2008).

When that Nerf thing hit the bottom of dryer all of this went through my head, until I realized there was no odor and really this was Alex’s school pants. Who would notice grease stains through the grass stains?